I had a BIG and really DEEP epiphany recently. And guess what? It all starts with DESIGN, yup yup. Balance and Harmony are both principles used to make something aesthetically pleasing.
Somehow in everyday language we tend to confuse the two words and this has led to some MAJOR struggles and stress. The words we use have an impact. If you don't believe me, Google: Tim Ferris -- he talks a lot about 'using the wrong words' as the source of most problems.
When I think about balance, I think about time, especially as a mom. How to find enough time for my relationships and my responsibilities?
The time alone that goes into managing a household is mind blowing: cleaning, daily chores, long term maintenance, meal planning, paying bills etc. How do you feel about the way these responsibilities are shared between you and your husband? Is it balanced? Or do you feel like you do more?... A lot more....
Recently, I've become more aware of how 'unrealistic' some of the expectations I place on my husband are. I know he doesn't intentionally forget things. It's just not on his radar in the same way that it is for me. Still it's hard, inside I want to scream 'It's not fair!!' We're both working, we both need clean laundry and dishes, so why is it so difficult to divide household responsibilities equally down the middle?
One reason could be because we're so different. My husband and I have different personalities, tastes, race, nationalities; but perhaps the biggest difference is being man and woman. These differences get exacerbated when I'm in comparison mode, calculating who's helped more around the house. This usually turns into focusing on my husband's not-so-great qualities and expecting him to think and act more like me.
When I stopped striving for 'balance' in our relationship, I found more peace and contentment.
Balance is about comparing weight. Put in a little on this side and a little on the other until they equal each other. Typically that doesn't last long, because life is always changing, and the scale is tipped in favor of one side.
Instead focus on HARMONY.
A visual symbol for harmony is the ying yang - two opposites united together, turning in a circle.
The value of harmony is that it's about complementing rather than comparing. Isn't that the beauty and challenge of relationships? Learning to work together to bring out the BEST in each other.
Last week, I got inspired to write down a list of things my husband is good at that I'm not. So instead of comparing, I'm focused on highlighting his strengths. Taking the time to reflect on my husband's strengths was so nice. It's a great reminder of why I love him and why we're so good for each other.
I highly suggest that you do the same! Jot down a few of your husband's amazing qualities, the things you admire about him. The things he can do easily that are hard for you to do.
Then a bonus step would be to think of how you can divide household responsibilities in a way that complements each other's strengths.
Yun-A (rhymes with 'fun' 'Ah') creator of Your Aesthetic Style.
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